Do they know?!

This morning I had my first monitoring appointment at the fertility clinic.  The amount of women in the office at 8:00 am was astounding.  I almost couldn't find a place to sit in the waiting room.

I had blood work done and an ultrasound to make sure I am not currently pregnant (unfortunately) and that both my ovaries looked good (which they do).

I confirmed my medications with the nurse, got the next steps from the doctor, and was sent on my way (45 minutes later than expected).

Seriously, the women that were sitting in that waiting room were just like me and yet not like me. Some were older and I couldn't help think, what are you doing here?  Some were young, some were with their husbands/significant others.  Some wore a ring and some didn't.  But it was very clear while I was waiting, that we were all waiting. For a baby.  And I just kept thinking, does the world know?!

How many people are aware of their own fertility? Or of how lucky they are to conceive naturally? Or of the fact that 1 in 8 women suffer from infertility and have to seek professional help?  Because I didn't.  Before this past 14 months, infertility was so foreign.  My mother suffered from infertility for 5 years before she conceived. And yet, it still seemed foreign to me.

I never knew to track my cervical mucus or my basal body temperature or ovulation pain.  I never knew about the costs of infertility or the guilt a woman can feel for not being able to do what her body was designed for or the very real anger she can feel when someone announces a pregnancy.

And how could I have known? Who talks about infertility nowadays? Who doesn't sweep their feelings under the rug because it isn't socially acceptable to take off work because you are devastated your IUI didn't take? Or even socially acceptable to make a Facebook status like "Well, another month with no baby!" Everyone and their mother is on Facebook making statuses like "I'll never let him hit me again!" And yet, infertility and the treatment of such is so back door, hush hush.

And please, believe me, I am not diminishing anyone else's problems. But this is my own struggle and what else is this blog for if not to write about myself?

So I left the doctors feeling a glimmer of hope.  Today starts a new cycle and a totally new way of dealing with our infertility.  I'm excited, I won't lie.  Crossing my fingers, this is the month.