This Is Hard. (That's what she said!)

This is hard. Difficult, I mean. I eat so much sugar a day, it's ridiculous. My goal is to stay under 50 grams of sugar per day, and by the end of breakfast, I've usually blown 35 of those grams.

Do people not drink juice? Usually if I can manage to eat breakfast at home before work, I can dilute my juice with water so I'm getting 1/4 of the actual sugar. I can eat eggs with some cheese for a really satisfying first meal. However, if, like this morning, I'm running 20 minutes later. I'm grabbing a juice box, a fruit bar, and running out the door. And WHOMP! there goes 23 grams of sugar. In that teeny tiny breakfast!

Then, I drink a cup of coffee.  I put no sugar in it. Except for the two tablespoons of creamer.  Now hear me out. I love coffee.  I love sugary, creamy coffee.  Not black coffee, yuck.  I've cut out the actual sugar but kept the sugary cream liquid. I'm trying to drink it with milk, but I literally have 3 creamers sitting in my refrigerator I need to use up before I can cut out this 12 grams of sugar from my breakfast. 

I need help.  What on earth do people eat/drink for breakfast that does not include sugar?

Second, my lunch. I eat yogurt.  Greek yogurt! But sweetened, fruity yogurt nonetheless and unfortunately, it means more sugar.

Finally, we come to dinner. Usually, unless there is a little sugar in the vegetables or sweet potatoes, I don't have any sugar at dinner. All protein and fiber. Which is great! Except usually after dinner I'm craving a little sweetness, but I have absolutely ZERO grams of sugar left for the day. At this point, I'm in the negatives.  So I drink a ton of water and go to bed at 9pm.  

How am I supposed to spread out my sugar grams throughout the day? I want to enjoy maybe even a handful of berries for a sweet pick up after dinner. But I can't! I'm all out of grams! Help!

...mmm grams. Grahams. Graham crackers. Graham crackers dipped in Nutella. mmm.....

Weight Loss

Let's be candid for a hot minute.

In high school, I was relatively skinny. I have never been a stick. Not that there's anything wrong with having a high metabolism and being relatively curve-less.  However, I am not one of those lucky people that can eat a ton of food and not gain weight. Or can skip a workout and not gain weight. Or can basically sit on the couch all the time and not gain weight. 

Since high school, I have gained approximately 35 pounds. In 8 years I have gained 35 pounds. I am at my heaviest weight I have ever been. 

Now, my weight does not necessarily mean I am unhappy. I am happy. I love my husband and my family and friends. I love God and knowing my relationship with him is so important. I have my (pretty good) health. I can walk and talk and go to work and come home and be with my people. But I can't run a half marathon. Or a 5K for that matter. I can't lift 50 pounds easily.  And you could say Jess, what does that matter? What does it matter if you can't run a bunch of miles in succession or lift dumbbells? And it doesn't matter. But what does matter is I can barely lift my 5 year old niece without grunting.  And I can barely run up and down the stairs in my house to do laundry on the weekends without feeling out of breath. 

I'm just being honest here people.

So, I am committing to losing weight. I have tried to lose weight a bunch of times over the last 8 years and nothing has ever stuck.  But this time, I have a goal. And a deadline.  We are leaving for the beach at the end of May and I would like to lose 20 pounds before then.  I realize this is probably pushing it. 20 pounds in 8 weeks.  However, I can do this. I can commit to eating healthier and exercising regularly.

Here is how I will do it:

- Cut out processed sugars:  I eat far too many sweet things. And did you know there is sugar in EVERYTHING we eat? It's sick really. So my goal is to cut out and cut down as much sugar as I can. I'll still eat fruit and vegetables of course, but I am really going to try to stop eating desserts, creamer in my coffee, and sweet fruit juices for breakfast.

- Exercise regularly: Jesse gave me a Fitbit for Christmas. I love this thing. Usually, after I get up and go to work and come home, 9 hours of my day is gone. And I have walked approximately 2,500 steps. SAD.  So, my goal is to get at least 6,000 steps a day. I'll do this by taking walks at night after work. I have also started a squat challenge. Holy Cannoli it is difficult. But if I can do it, I will have a tighter butt, defined abs, and will overall, feel so much better.

Squat challenge sent to me by my sister-in-law who has had two babies and looks so good!

- Reduce my caloric intake:  I use an app called myfitnesspal.com which I have used many times before and it really does work.  You simply add your foods and it calculates how many calories, grams of sodium, and sugar, and carbohydrates you take in each day.  It also puts a limit on these. So that if you are trying to lose weight, you have a limit to how many cookies you can eat.  Just kidding, don't eat cookies! Also, it links to my Fitbit, so it tracks how many calories I am expelling each day and translates that to "fitness" calories. That way it tracks my exercise without me ever having to do anything!

This was a pretty good day! And yes, I do sleep super well.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.  But I can be 20 pounds lighter by May and 35 pounds lighter by July!

<P.S.> I weighed 157.1 at the doctors office on 3/16/15. Today, 3/25/15, I weighed myself and I am 150.8.  Yay for progress!

Being an Adult

So there is this scene in the TV show Will & Grace where Jack hires his old babysitter to basically 'babysit' him again. And Will gets angry and says you can't do that you're an adult! So Jack responds, "I don't want to be an adult anymore! It's very hard!"

I feel like that ALL THE TIME. Let's review.

Adult Thing #1: Staying up as late as you want!
Reality: Not really. You have to get up for work tomorrow remember? And if you don't want to fall asleep at your desk, post, seat, station, or what have you, you might as well turn in around 9:30pm.  No amount of Netflix binging will feel better than getting a good nights sleep.

Adult Thing #2: Making your own money, and spending it the way you want!
Reality: Again, not really. Yes, you make your own money. Most adults I know make pretty good money. But sadly, that money is gone the second it hits your bank account.  Gone to the mean bills known as rent/mortgage, cable, electric, gas, car payment, phone bill, and student loans. Whatever you have left over can probably get you a few things you want. But not everything. Definitely, not everything.

Adult Thing #3: You want that extra cookie? You go Glenn Coco!
Reality: Oh you can have that cookie. You can have the whole damn sleeve of Thin Mints for all the world cares. You're an adult! There is no one around to tell you otherwise! But your thighs? They care. And they will show you how much you care the next morning.

Adult Thing #4: Drinking alcohol!
Reality: Yes, alcohol can be very good.  It can make a good party, a great one. It can leave lasting memories (if you can remember them). But alcohol can be bad, very bad. It can leave you throwing up, lying on the cold bathroom floor and wishing you did NOT have that third margarita on top of all the chips and salsa. See #3. And after age 25, don't think you can handle it as well as you did when you turned 21. Also, basically after one drink at dinner, I'm falling asleep on the couch. Here we are again at #1. 

Alright so it isn't all bad. There are some definite perks. I love owning my own home. I love the sense of pride I get when I look at my house and realize how long it took Jesse and me to get there. I love that we are married. I love that I know I get to be with him forever. Making my own money is pretty cool.  And I'm learning every day how to budget myself better. 

But here's the thing. I don't feel like an adult. I don't think anyone does. I don't think being an adult is a feeling as much as responsibilities. I still feel like a kid. Maybe a teenager some days. Hopefully, that never goes away. Even when I'm 80.