Frustrating

I went in for ANOTHER monitoring appointment this morning.

I am so sick of getting my blood drawn, having an ultrasound, and being told I'm not ready yet.

I'm sick of waking up at the butt crack of dawn to get to my appointment only to arrive to work late.

I'm sick of constantly telling my boss I have to come in late. And though he has been so supportive, I hate knowing I'm probably letting him down.

I hate not knowing. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

As much as I want to trust God's plan, I just want to know what's going on.  Honestly, I suck at trusting God.  I suck at letting things go, putting things in His hands.

I always need to feel in control. Of everything.  Of this, of my life, of our finances. Even of my brother-in-law's party he threw for his wife, I wanted to be in control.  He can take all the credit, but I want to call the shots.

Whyyyyyyy?????????

Ugh maybe I'm just sick of myself.

Also - this stupid Ovia fertility app with its stupid reminders of what cycle day I'm on and my fertility rating are making me want to delete the thing off my phone.  I know I'm not pregnant! Stop reminding me to have sex! Stop making me wonder about every little symptom!