12 Week Bumpdate

how far along: 12 weeks, 4 days

size of the baby: a ripe apricot. I think it's so funny that they give the description a "ripe" apricot, a "Maine" blueberry. I have no idea what this means, honestly. So I'll stick with, baby is about 2.5 inches long and .5 ounces!

baby is: there? I'm not showing, I can't feel it. This week has been a roller coaster really.

movement: still way too early to feel anything.

gender: still convinced it's a girl. Though I'm not crazing sweets which is something I've heard with girls. Though I have been getting very sick (nausea) and I feel so unattractive, I've heard girls can suck the beauty out of you.

total weight gain: Still not paying attention. We have a doctors appointment tomorrow though so I'm sure I'll see a difference. 

symptoms: Nausea, vomiting, headaches, frequent urination, sore and tender breasts, hormonal crying, fatigue. The list goes on and on and on.

stretch marks: I don't think so? I tried looking at my hips this morning but I couldn't tell if they were stretch marks or lines from my pajamas while I slept.

maternity clothes: Not really. Though I am wearing leggings more. We had 3 feet of snow dumped on us the past weekend and I didn't go into work for 4 days. The whole time I wore sweats and leggings and big t-shirts and sweatshirts. That felt awesome. When I had to wear pants for the first time yesterday, I had to unbutton them, they were so uncomfortable.

  

sleep: I wish I could sleep well. I used to be able to sleep through the night without any interruptions. Now I get up to pee, I can't get comfortable, my back hurts. I hate it.

missing: Feeling like myself I guess. I had a huge cry last night because I just can't wait to feel normal again and I'm so tired of getting sick and being the wet blanket.

cravings/aversions: Beef, if you can believe that. I was actually able to make dinner the past few nights so we've had steak and burgers and I feel like I want more. I want all the steak.

cries: Last night I couldn't stop crying. I feel like I'm just surviving and not living. It's awful.

Jesse is: really trying. He's being sweet at times, but then he lets it slide and he gets annoyed with me. I keep telling him I can't control the way I feel, I wish I could feel better. I know he's just as sick of the first trimester as I am.

best moments: Hitting 12 weeks was good. This weekend, being able to spend time with Jesse and not feel my symptoms so harshly, eating real dinners, Living in sweats. If I could do that all the time, I'd be golden.

not so best moment: Writing this post? I feel like all I've done is complain. I feel like such a hypocrite. I wished and prayed and hoped for so long that we would get pregnant. But honestly I just wish I could speed up these next 28 weeks, have the baby, and not have to feel pregnant anymore. I'm praying so hard that the feeling goes away after I hit my second trimester.

looking forward to: The end of the first trimester. Showing, having to wear maternity clothes, feeling the baby move, finding out the gender, my baby shower, setting up the nursery. So many second and third trimester things. I want to say so long to this dumb first trimester and start feeling good!