Weight...maintenance?

This so speaks to me. I am forever a sucker-inner.

I'm supposed to LOSE the weight, alright body? Not MAINTAIN the weight I've been at for the past 4 years. 

Now granted, I'm not eating truly great and I'm definitely not exercising as much as I should. I have a tendency to eat small breakfasts and lunches and then large dinners. Which doesn't give my body enough time to digest. Or I totally blow my sugar grams in breakfast and I'm just trying (and failing) to limit my sugar the rest of the day. 

Or I just don't take my walk at night. It's been stormy/rainy where I live the whole week and unfortunately the walks (and squat challenges) have just flown out the window. 

But here's the thing.  My scale says a number. But I don't feel like that number. I feel pretty good. I look in the mirror and I'm liking what I see more and more. Not every part of me is perfect, but my clothes are fitting better. I even have to use the smallest notch on my belt loop and sometimes that's not even tight enough. I need to keep going.

I only have 44 days left until my beach trip. That gives me roughly 3 days per pound or 2 pounds a week. I'm not saying I can do it. But I am saying I'm going to try harder. I'm going to eat cleaner. I'm not going to cheat so horribly on the weekends (which has been my major downfall). I am actually going to get outside, even if it's raining, so that I can jog walk.  I will do my squats. I may even add arms! With my 5 pound weights mind you. I won't eat so many carbs. I won't eat so much sugar. I won't eat any desserts if I can help myself. 

Oh man, this is going to be tough. I am itching to go on a walk right now though and that has to be a good sign, right?

Four.

Tuesdays suck. So here's a rando-post!

I was pretty adorbs.

four of my nicknames
1. Jessa - My mom called me this when I was a baby.
2. Jessie - I hate this name for myself. I've never wanted it and immediately correct people when they say it. Also, it's my husband's name and please don't confuse us anymore. (He spells it Jesse)
3. Babe - Jesse and I have a habit of calling each other tons of nicknames.  The one most frequently used is babe.
4. Angel - my dad calls me this.

four jobs i've had
1. I worked for Best Buy when I was in high school.  My first and probably last time working in retail.
2. During college I worked for a real estate magazine.  I worked part time in this beautiful office with hardwood floors and lots of natural light. I loved it. Sadly, they went out of business, but I truly enjoyed working there.
3. I worked for a long time for a medical office. I loved this job. I loved the patients, the medical stuff, my coworkers. I left to go back to school.
4. I babysat a lot in high school and college. The sweetest gig I had was for twin babies. Their parents were fairly young and would put them to bed right before I got over there around 8pm or so. They NEVER cried while I was there, so I basically watched TV for 5 hours and got paid big money for it. It was AWESOME.

I could watch this movie over and over and over again.

four movies i've watched more than once
1. When Harry Met Sally - I watch this movie at least 3 times a year. I never get sick of it and can repeat almost every line.
2. It's A Wonderful Life - I watch this every Christmas with my dad. It is so perfect and Jimmy Stewart praying at the end just slays me.
3. Liar Liar - Jesse and I love this movie and watch it every time it's on TV. We can quote the crap out of this movie.
4. Field of Dreams - I try to watch this before every baseball season. It really gets me in the spirit.

four things in my purse
1. My Spartina wallet. If you've never heard of them, check them out! They're great quality and come in tons of colors and patterns!
2. Rosebud Strawberry lip balm. The best.
3. My iPhone 5.
4. Pepper spray. Jesse got this for me for Christmas. Interestingly, it is not the strangest gift he has ever given me.

four places i've lived
1. Frederick, MD
2. Walkersville, MD
3. Towson, MD
4. Olney, MD

Boston's gorgeous skyline. We went there in July 2013 and it was beautiful weather!

four places i've visited
1. Boston, MA - I've been to Boston twice in my life and will be going back this summer!
2. Savannah, GA - I went here with my girl scout troop when I was 13.  Such a cool city.
3. Los Angeles, CA - Visited CA when my girlfriend was living out there and it was quite the experience.
4. Cancun, Mexico - Our honeymoon!

four places on my travel bucket list
1. Charleston, SC - I have heard this city is gorgeous and I love the south.
2. Greece - Specifically Santorini. The pictures look so beautiful.
3. Grand Canyon - I can just picture myself standing at the top and feeling peaceful.
4. Key West, FL - I think this one, like Charleston, could be easily accomplished. I just want to bask in the sunshine and the warm sand and beautiful, clear waters.

four things i don't eat
1. Asparagus - I don't know, I just never cared for this vegetable. Plus it makes your pee smell! #ew
2. Twinkies - Never had one, never will.
3. Meatloaf - This always smells delicious to me, but then I see it and I think, no thanks.
4. Oysters - Apparently they're just supposed to "slide down your gullet". What. No.

Always and forever, OK?

four tv shows i watch
1. Friends - My all time, absolute, favorite TV show ever. Of all time. Absolutely. I can quote every single line, I think it's hilarious, I adore all the characters and all the episodes.
2. Sex and the City - I catch this every now and then on E! and I will watch an episode. I've seen every episode multiple times. There are definitely story lines I hate (um, Alexsandr Petrovsky anyone?) but the friendship between the 4 girls always rings true to me.
3. Parks & Recreation - We are at the end of season 6 right now on Netflix and I am sad it's ending. Andy Dwyer forever.
4. Will & Grace - I have always loved the dynamic of the characters on this show. I think Will & Grace's friendship, especially at the beginning, and their quick wit, is what keeps me coming back.

The day we left the beach last year. A sad, sad day indeed.

four things i'm looking forward to
1. The beach! We are going in May and it cannot come fast enough.
2. My brother's wedding. It's going to be a family filled, food filled extravaganza and I want to eat and dance my heart out.
3. Baseball season. Yesterday was opening day for the Orioles and the Red Sox.  I can't wait to see a couple games this year.  Maybe I can even convince Jesse to up our cable package so I can watch them on TV!
4. Warm weather. Like warm even when you walk out your door at 7:30 in the morning. I want to not be cold for a long time.


K! Back to pretending I care that I have to work today!

Waves

My husband's father owns a 6 bedroom beach house in Waves, NC on the Outer Banks. And it is the most peaceful, beautiful place. 

Every summer we go down to visit the beach with whomever in the family can come. Usually it's a couple of brothers, maybe some friends, and his dad and step mom.  Unfortunately, this will probably be the last year we go. (Insert super sad emoticon)

His dad has decided to put the house on the market and possibly purchase a house in DCL. While I LOVE DCL, I don't think I would trade it for the Outer Banks. There is something so peaceful and hushed about the outer banks that makes you feel like you're in a different world. We are leaving in a couple months to go and every year, we just have the best time. It's filled with tons of laughter, food, drinks, and beach time.

The place is an oasis. Away from every single problem you can imagine. Where I can literally read 3 books in one week because I feel so calm. 

The beaches are gorgeous, with dunes marking the tops.

The water can be a little cold, but nothing ever deters the boys.

The sunsets, good gracious.

Sun burnt and happy.

Lighthouse

Every year I come back feeling so refreshed. And yes, there can be hectic times, arguments among the siblings, but everyone just drinks another beer and gets over it. 

I can't wait.

Slip-On Sneaks

Am I totally slow to realize that the slip-on sneaker is the most perfect shoe? Have these been around forever and I am just now noticing them? Because holy cow. I love them.

A couple weeks ago Jesse and I were out shopping (one of our favorite hobbies) and he insisted we go to Gap. I was complaining because I was tired and it was 8:25 and the Gap closed at 9 and I just wanted to go home but he really wanted to, so I went.

I sort of looked at this and that, and after waiting in the dressing room for him to try on two ON SALE/CLEARANCE/DEEP DISCOUNTED button down shirts, one of which is so feminine I laugh, we were walking out of the store when he spotted these:

Gap $39.95

I tried them on and instantly loved them. I think I've worn them three times a week for the last month. I would wear them every day if I didn't want to totally wear them out. They are perfect with a cuffed jean, my long maxi skirt, and when it gets warmer, a casual dress. I have all these ideas for outfits that revolve around these shoes.

So now?
I can't get enough. I want these:

Target $13.59

These:

Loft $49.50

And oh good grief, these:

Nine West $59.99

How cute would that last pair be with some dark wash jeans, a plain white t-shirt and gold accessories?  I die.

This Is Hard. (That's what she said!)

This is hard. Difficult, I mean. I eat so much sugar a day, it's ridiculous. My goal is to stay under 50 grams of sugar per day, and by the end of breakfast, I've usually blown 35 of those grams.

Do people not drink juice? Usually if I can manage to eat breakfast at home before work, I can dilute my juice with water so I'm getting 1/4 of the actual sugar. I can eat eggs with some cheese for a really satisfying first meal. However, if, like this morning, I'm running 20 minutes later. I'm grabbing a juice box, a fruit bar, and running out the door. And WHOMP! there goes 23 grams of sugar. In that teeny tiny breakfast!

Then, I drink a cup of coffee.  I put no sugar in it. Except for the two tablespoons of creamer.  Now hear me out. I love coffee.  I love sugary, creamy coffee.  Not black coffee, yuck.  I've cut out the actual sugar but kept the sugary cream liquid. I'm trying to drink it with milk, but I literally have 3 creamers sitting in my refrigerator I need to use up before I can cut out this 12 grams of sugar from my breakfast. 

I need help.  What on earth do people eat/drink for breakfast that does not include sugar?

Second, my lunch. I eat yogurt.  Greek yogurt! But sweetened, fruity yogurt nonetheless and unfortunately, it means more sugar.

Finally, we come to dinner. Usually, unless there is a little sugar in the vegetables or sweet potatoes, I don't have any sugar at dinner. All protein and fiber. Which is great! Except usually after dinner I'm craving a little sweetness, but I have absolutely ZERO grams of sugar left for the day. At this point, I'm in the negatives.  So I drink a ton of water and go to bed at 9pm.  

How am I supposed to spread out my sugar grams throughout the day? I want to enjoy maybe even a handful of berries for a sweet pick up after dinner. But I can't! I'm all out of grams! Help!

...mmm grams. Grahams. Graham crackers. Graham crackers dipped in Nutella. mmm.....

Weight Loss

Let's be candid for a hot minute.

In high school, I was relatively skinny. I have never been a stick. Not that there's anything wrong with having a high metabolism and being relatively curve-less.  However, I am not one of those lucky people that can eat a ton of food and not gain weight. Or can skip a workout and not gain weight. Or can basically sit on the couch all the time and not gain weight. 

Since high school, I have gained approximately 35 pounds. In 8 years I have gained 35 pounds. I am at my heaviest weight I have ever been. 

Now, my weight does not necessarily mean I am unhappy. I am happy. I love my husband and my family and friends. I love God and knowing my relationship with him is so important. I have my (pretty good) health. I can walk and talk and go to work and come home and be with my people. But I can't run a half marathon. Or a 5K for that matter. I can't lift 50 pounds easily.  And you could say Jess, what does that matter? What does it matter if you can't run a bunch of miles in succession or lift dumbbells? And it doesn't matter. But what does matter is I can barely lift my 5 year old niece without grunting.  And I can barely run up and down the stairs in my house to do laundry on the weekends without feeling out of breath. 

I'm just being honest here people.

So, I am committing to losing weight. I have tried to lose weight a bunch of times over the last 8 years and nothing has ever stuck.  But this time, I have a goal. And a deadline.  We are leaving for the beach at the end of May and I would like to lose 20 pounds before then.  I realize this is probably pushing it. 20 pounds in 8 weeks.  However, I can do this. I can commit to eating healthier and exercising regularly.

Here is how I will do it:

- Cut out processed sugars:  I eat far too many sweet things. And did you know there is sugar in EVERYTHING we eat? It's sick really. So my goal is to cut out and cut down as much sugar as I can. I'll still eat fruit and vegetables of course, but I am really going to try to stop eating desserts, creamer in my coffee, and sweet fruit juices for breakfast.

- Exercise regularly: Jesse gave me a Fitbit for Christmas. I love this thing. Usually, after I get up and go to work and come home, 9 hours of my day is gone. And I have walked approximately 2,500 steps. SAD.  So, my goal is to get at least 6,000 steps a day. I'll do this by taking walks at night after work. I have also started a squat challenge. Holy Cannoli it is difficult. But if I can do it, I will have a tighter butt, defined abs, and will overall, feel so much better.

Squat challenge sent to me by my sister-in-law who has had two babies and looks so good!

- Reduce my caloric intake:  I use an app called myfitnesspal.com which I have used many times before and it really does work.  You simply add your foods and it calculates how many calories, grams of sodium, and sugar, and carbohydrates you take in each day.  It also puts a limit on these. So that if you are trying to lose weight, you have a limit to how many cookies you can eat.  Just kidding, don't eat cookies! Also, it links to my Fitbit, so it tracks how many calories I am expelling each day and translates that to "fitness" calories. That way it tracks my exercise without me ever having to do anything!

This was a pretty good day! And yes, I do sleep super well.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.  But I can be 20 pounds lighter by May and 35 pounds lighter by July!

<P.S.> I weighed 157.1 at the doctors office on 3/16/15. Today, 3/25/15, I weighed myself and I am 150.8.  Yay for progress!

Being an Adult

So there is this scene in the TV show Will & Grace where Jack hires his old babysitter to basically 'babysit' him again. And Will gets angry and says you can't do that you're an adult! So Jack responds, "I don't want to be an adult anymore! It's very hard!"

I feel like that ALL THE TIME. Let's review.

Adult Thing #1: Staying up as late as you want!
Reality: Not really. You have to get up for work tomorrow remember? And if you don't want to fall asleep at your desk, post, seat, station, or what have you, you might as well turn in around 9:30pm.  No amount of Netflix binging will feel better than getting a good nights sleep.

Adult Thing #2: Making your own money, and spending it the way you want!
Reality: Again, not really. Yes, you make your own money. Most adults I know make pretty good money. But sadly, that money is gone the second it hits your bank account.  Gone to the mean bills known as rent/mortgage, cable, electric, gas, car payment, phone bill, and student loans. Whatever you have left over can probably get you a few things you want. But not everything. Definitely, not everything.

Adult Thing #3: You want that extra cookie? You go Glenn Coco!
Reality: Oh you can have that cookie. You can have the whole damn sleeve of Thin Mints for all the world cares. You're an adult! There is no one around to tell you otherwise! But your thighs? They care. And they will show you how much you care the next morning.

Adult Thing #4: Drinking alcohol!
Reality: Yes, alcohol can be very good.  It can make a good party, a great one. It can leave lasting memories (if you can remember them). But alcohol can be bad, very bad. It can leave you throwing up, lying on the cold bathroom floor and wishing you did NOT have that third margarita on top of all the chips and salsa. See #3. And after age 25, don't think you can handle it as well as you did when you turned 21. Also, basically after one drink at dinner, I'm falling asleep on the couch. Here we are again at #1. 

Alright so it isn't all bad. There are some definite perks. I love owning my own home. I love the sense of pride I get when I look at my house and realize how long it took Jesse and me to get there. I love that we are married. I love that I know I get to be with him forever. Making my own money is pretty cool.  And I'm learning every day how to budget myself better. 

But here's the thing. I don't feel like an adult. I don't think anyone does. I don't think being an adult is a feeling as much as responsibilities. I still feel like a kid. Maybe a teenager some days. Hopefully, that never goes away. Even when I'm 80.